- The Actions List
- Posts
- How to get out of a bad mood
Hello wonderful humans.
If anyone knows how to get out of a bad mood quickly, it’s not me. 😅 So naturally, the inspirations below are not my own, but ones I’ll be trying.
Mental model:
Hanlon’s Razor -
‘Never ascribe to malice that which is adequately explained by incompetence or stupidity or neglect.’
They didn’t see you when they cut you up in the coffee shop line.
They didn’t drive slower so you’d hit a red light.
They didn’t leave the sink full of dishes because they wanted to piss you off.
The sun isn’t trying to make it hard for you to sleep.
The delivery driver didn’t try to sabotage your order so it arrives crumpled.
The train isn’t going slowly so you miss the school pick-up.
They weren’t out to get you.
Something funny:
Actions to take when you’re in a bad mood:
Listen to music, starting from sad/angry to more upbeat over time
Set a timer. Give yourself the time you think you need to snap out of it by setting an alarm.
Hold a smile until you feel like the bad mood has left your body. Force it and fake it until your shoulders start to drop.
Get outside and look up. For as long as it takes.
Watch bloopers of your favourite show on YouTube
Eat something and hydrate. But don’t binge or turn to alcohol.
Get some oxytocin flowing - work out, jump around, go for a run, hug someone.
Ask for help. Speak up and say ‘I’m in such a bad mood right now. Can you help me out of it? I need someone to help lift me out of this state. Don’t stop until I smile or laugh or can finally shake it off, no matter how much I resist.’
If happiness = reality - expectations, try lowering expectations. Is what’s happening an inconvenience or a tragedy? (thanks Dr Ellen Langer).
If you’re in a bad mood, go for a walk. If you’re still in a bad mood. Go for another walk. - Hippocrates
Some theory:
Entropy is a way to measure how chaotic or random something is. It shows how much disorder or unpredictability there is in a system or set of information. And there are always many more ways for things to be chaotic than to be organised.
Usually, it’s this disorder that puts us in a bad mood.
“But because the universe naturally slides toward disorder, you have to expend energy to create stability, structure, and simplicity.
Successful relationships require care and attention.
Successful houses require cleaning and maintenance.
Successful teams require communication and collaboration.
Without effort, things will decay.” - James Clear
Without being too depressing, it’s no wonder sometimes it feels like life is rigged against us. Without effort, things will decay. Maybe, remembering this is key to snapping out of a bad mood.
Check out this brilliant essay ‘Why life always seems to get more complicated’ by James Clear for a big, fat brain-hug.
Actions to take when someone else is in a bad mood:
Understand that it’s not personal. This is not them. This is them when lots of things have gone wrong, all in a row, and their inner child has taken over and needs some loving/help. Imagine them as a child (literally) and step in. We’re not talking about a sad mood here, we’re simply talking about a bad mood, similar to when a kid throws a hell of a tantrum.
‘Do you want me to help or do you just want to rant?’
‘I see you’re having a hard time. I know how shit a bad mood can be. God that sucks.’
Take the Babemba tribe approach from below
Kill them with kindness, but in a silent way - put a a cup of tea near them as if it’s no biggie, put on their fave music without them prompting it, light a candle to create a vibe or put on a funny TV show in the background so they’re forced to hear it, say you fancy whatever their fave takeout is etc… This can work if you don’t expect anything back in return.
A story:
"In the Babemba tribe of South Africa, when a person acts irresponsibly or unjustly, he is placed in the center of the village, alone and unfettered. All work ceases, and every man, woman, and child in the village gathers in a large circle around the accused individual.
Then each person in the tribe speaks to the accused, one at a time, each recalling the good things the person in the center of the circle has done in his lifetime. Every incident, every experience that can be recalled with any detail and accuracy, is recounted. All his positive attributes, good deeds, strengths, and acts of kindness are recited carefully and at length. This tribal ceremony often lasts for several days.
In the end, the tribal circle is broken, a joyous celebration takes place, and the person is symbolically and literally welcomed back into the tribe,"
- The Act of Forgiveness, Lovingkindness, and Peace by John Kornfield
Remember:
Take what works for you and leave what doesn’t
It’s a good day to start something new
But tomorrow is also new day
Did you know:
All of these actions and many more are currently being added to my database called ‘The Golden Database of Positive-Sums’. It’s currently 132 actions deep and covers actions on beating the blues, finding focus, building discipline, morning and evening routines, winding down, delaying gratification. Lots of these are from experts like Jocko Willink, Tim Ferris, Shane Parrish and Rick Rubin but I’d like to extend that to the people reading this. We’re all an expert in something if we’ve done it enough times. If you have any particular actions you take to get out of a bad mood, please hit reply and I’ll include you in the database! (Trying to figure out a format/display that works before launching it).
Shoutout to:
The Latticework community, run by Blas, for being so generous in sharing their go-tos. They are help-on-tap and I enjoy drinking from that cup often.
Should I:
Change the name of this newsletter? How do you like ‘I just an adult’? Hit reply with any and all suggestions 🙂.
That’s all folks,
PJ